Your idols see that you want to win but are the ones pushing you down. Understand this;
“But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them – bringing swift destruction on themselves” – 2 Peter 2:1
I see many false idols in our media today, I am careful with what and who I listen to. Be mindful of your ears and understand music can effect how you think. I choose not to listen to sad music even if I am sad, nor angry music even if I am angry, these are simply habits of my past. Most don’t see it but a lot of the media is degenerate on purpose, they want you to be immoral, this way you are easily controlled and will follow their evil ways. You will reject God and his love and perfectness. Do you think anyone will pity you for doing so? No. Open your eyes and reject these false teachers, they simply hate you and want to drag to deep waters, watch you struggle and drown you in sin. Do not let them win.